So I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma... Warning way long.

After the holiday season wound to an end and all of our family members returned safely to their homes, I noticed two pea sized nodules at the base of my neck, on the right side, directly above my collar bone. I thought nothing of it and if I did it was something like I probably have a sinus infection. Well a few weeks went by and I found a third one on the left side that was about the size of a nickel. I didn't think this was normal so I asked my dear sweet MOTHER what she thought of them. She told me to immediately go to the doctor. I ended up going to women's clinic because I have never been to a regular doctor. They put me on antibiotics for ten days and then if they went away great if not call and make an appointment. Well the didn't go away. They didn't even shrink. So I went back in on Friday January 31 and they ran a blood test to check my thyroid, and sent me that day to get an ultra sound on my neck.

30 minutes of goobing up my neck and ultra-sounding it to the max. The women's clinic I went to set me up an appointment with a ENT (ears, nose, throat Dr.) for the next Wednesday the 5th. Dr. Hinckley is amazing. He said there was 7ish enlarged lymph nodes in my neck and ordered me a CT scan for Friday the 7th and surgery for the 14th for a biopsy. So I went to my CT scan and they made sure that I was not pregnant and just did a neck and soft tissue of my chest scan with contrast. Dr. Hinckley promised me that when he found out what was going on he would let me know. He also stated that he was an eternal optimist and would not believe it was cancer until they hit him on the head and say "ITS CANCER!".

He did not break his promise. Fast forward to February 9, 2014. After a lovely evening spent at my big brothers house sharing a fantastic diner made by his sweet wife and enjoying a fantastic conversation, we packed up the kids and hopped into the car. I checked my phone and noticed I had a missed call from a phone number that was not saved in my phone. I call my voice mail and get the number and the facts to call back. Dr. Hinckley answers in a heart-beat. He said "I just looked over the ct-scan and it is Lymphoma." My heart dropped. He was true to his word. He said that we would talk more about it on the 12th for the ct follow up appointment. That night was a lot of SADNESS and LOVE shared. I called my mom as Brandon called his. After that my siblings were sharing their CONCERNS and LOVE for me. My big brother Jacob came to my house and helped my dear sweet husband to give me a blessing. Can I just say how wonderful the gospel is? How amazing the priesthood is? How great it is to have a worthy priesthood holder in my home? Its FANTASTIC! THE LORD IS GREAT. After my blessing a calm fell over me. I knew the comforter was there. I know what he has gone through for me. He knows my pain, fears, and concerns. He knows how my body feels and the how it is going to feel during my treatments. I knew, in that moment, that I was aware that this was going to happen to me in my life time in the preexistence. That makes me so much stronger to know that I KNEW what I was getting myself into. Oh, how I LOVE my SAVIOR. And the PLAN OF SALVATION.

The day before I chopped all my hair off. Mackenzie and Me!

I chopped it all off after I found out it WAS cancer. I wanted to make the decision to loose my hair. I don't want cancer to take anything away from who I am. So I gave it up willingly. Jude and Mama!

So then at the appointment on the 12th he said that there were 30ish lymph nodes in my neck and chest. One is the size of a soft ball compressing my left lung. He went over what they would do in surgery and how long it would take to heal up. He also set us up with my oncologist (also kinda so funny that I have an oncologist!). My surgery date approached. Which was Valentines day. My mother and my husband came with me while my dear sweet mother-in-law watched my silly little ones. They pulled me back to pre-op very fast and had me put on this paper gown that blew hot air in it so I stayed warm. As the time for my surgery slowly but surely came up on us I started to get nervous. It was my very first surgery after all. Then they gave me drugs and then I felt happy. My mom kissed my cheek and told me everything will be fine. My husband kissed me and then.....

I wake up. And I am GROUCHY. And I WANT A COKE. Mike, my nurse, kinda ignored that I was grouchy. He said that I was just tired. But I know that I was grouchy and mean. Ha ha ha. The rest was kind of a blur. I know they gave me a coke, and made me eat some apple sauce so I could take a pain pill. Then it was really blurry until I got home. Anyways they took out 3 lymph nodes to biopsy. I was told that I would hear what kind of lymphoma I had Tuesday or Wednesday. Tuesday came and went and no news. I did not sleep that night. The morning of the 19th, at 9:00 in the morning I receive a call. Dr. Hinckley was happy. He said "Emily, it is what we have been hoping for!" I said "HODGKIN'S?" he said yes and we had a mini happy party over the phone.

I had a dentist appointment that morning because apparently chemo and radiation can mess up your tissue in your mouth hard core. So I got prescribed a certain kind of mouth wash and toothpaste that will help to prevent/treat that. That after noon I had my oncology appointment to meet with my oncologist and converse about my options. My oncologists name is DR. Dickson. He is wonderful. I already love him. He answered all my questions and all of my parents questions (they both came with me) and my husbands questions. He asked me if I was having symptoms for long. Well I am always tired but have an almost 3 year old and a 7 month old baby. I am dry and itchy but it is winter. I have night sweats but I didn't think anything of them. He told me that I get such bad night sweats because of that softball sized lymph node that is pressing down on my lung. It was pretty neat. Not The Lung thing, but the whole appointment. He scheduled me a PET scan for the next day and an echo on Friday the 21st, and hopefully start chemo on the 26th.

I had a follow up appointment with my ENT on the 20th right before my PET scan just to remove the stitches out of my neck. Then I ran to my PET SCAN. They pulled me back almost right after I signed in. Brandon was with me and came back to the closet size room that they set me up in. When they started to put in the IV he decided it was time to leave and went back to work because he could not be with my while I did this test that took 1 1/2 hours! So he leaves. A few minutes later a girl comes hauling in a large IRON lunch box type deal. It is locked, so she pulls out a key and unlocks it (RIGHT NOW I AM NOT FEELING THE SAFEST). Inside the IRON lunch box was an IRON cylinder that kind of looks like a Campbell's soup can. They hook it up to my IV and push all the RADIOACTIVE isotopes inside my body. OH, and then they tell me that I cannot be next to children or babies for 10 hours because I could stunt their growth with all my radioactivity that is going on inside me (I wasn't feeling safe before, now I feel as if I might die.) The sit me in an easy chair a pull it up to a reclining position and tell me not to move for 1 whole hour. Nothing repetitive. Try to hold as still as possible. If you move the isotopes (which are sugars) will all move to that area and make it glow on the scan. The whole point of the scan is to see what stage I am in. Dr. Dickson says he thinks I am either in stage 2b or 3b but we had to do this scan to find out, to be ABSOLUTELY sure.

An hour or so later they made me pee and then put me into an MR-I machine. I don't know if you have ever been in one, but they are not for those who do not like tight and confined places. Oh, did I mention that I am very much claustrophobic? Oh yeah. I am . BUT I did not have a problem with the machine at ALL. There was a breeze on my face so I just shut my eyes and thought about anything and everything that would keep my mind off of small dark places. But then I had to spend the whole rest of the day by myself, until 11:00 at night that is. Because I was radioactive. What's the point of being radioactive if you don't even get powers like spider man? HONESTLY!

Yesterday I had an Echo. Basically just an ultra sound of my heart. I don't think I told you that up until the 14th I was breastfeeding Jude. So everywhere I went and almost every test I did I lactated EVERYWHERE? I did this here as well. Haha. Kinda embarrassing but also so funny.

So Dr. Dickson should have all these tests results tomorrow and hopefully I will hear back as to what stage I am, because that will determine what treatments to do.

Until I know more!

Emily!