Ever since I was diagnosed with cancer everyone has been worried about me. Worried about my health, my sanity, and my physical abilities. When I say everybody I include myself. There has rarely been a day when I have not had help for about 3 weeks. All the surgeries and the chemotherapy have left me feeling exhausted and achy. EVERY DAY I have to fight the urge to crawl in bed and stay there. But I have little ones who need me and I sure am thankful that they do.
Today has been a normal day. Normal is a relative term. Today I was Mom. I was not "Mom who is taking a nap" or "Mom who is too sick to hold you" or "Mom who can't raise her arms to get you a drink of milk". Today I was Mom. It was like every other day prior to my diagnosis. I braided Paisleys hair like Anna from Frozen. We built a "tower" out of blankets. I even vacuumed the floor and tidied up the house. We had a normal day. It was fantastic and quite an accomplishment.
But I did not do it alone or without help. Because if I do not have another adult helping me out I am not alone. I have help. I AM NEVER ALONE. My Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ never fail to give me a lending hand. I know that I achieved a normal day because I was blessed with a perfectly wonderful normal day with my children. I cannot and will not take that for granted. I have to give credit where credit is due. I am in awe at the presence of my Savior that I feel in my daily life. Maybe this is a blessing from the cancer. That I am seeing His hand in everything. That I am growing closer and becoming a better person because of the trials placed before me.
Until I know more!
Emily!
Friday, March 7, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
And then there was a Pulmonary test...
Today I had a complete pulmonary function test. It was scheduled for 8 am and I could not sleep the night before. I don't know what is with me but when I know I have a test or something along those lines I just don't sleep. I was not nervous because I knew it was easy peasy lemon squeezy so seriously what is the deal, Emily?
Anyway, I should have known that my tester was a jokester from the call I received yesterday to confirm the appointment. Here is the conversation:
Emily: Hello?
Bob: Hi, this is Bob from Mountain View and I was just calling to confirm your pulmonary function test for tomorrow at 8am.
E: Perfect! Thanks!
B: Okay, see you then!
E: Okay, see you tomorrow! Bye!
B: Bye! .............. Wait! I should tell you that this will not hurt a bit!
E: Haha thanks, Bob! See you tomorrow!
B: Bye.
So he is a jokester. Today during the test he was cracking jokes like it was his job. I wish I could remember all of the jokes he said but I can't. You can blame that on my chemo brain. Which is a real thing! They told me! Kind of like pregnancy brain. Here is one of the jokes he said: "What does a cigarette and a gerbil have in common?" *crickets** crickets*(that's the sound of crickets P.s.)" They are both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire!".. Oh Bob, you are so funny! You are killing me over here doing a breathing treatment with this fancy nebulizer.
So if you have never had a pulmonary function test, never fear! That is one of the easiest tests I have ever passed! And that's saying something because I have terrible test anxiety! Basically I sat in this box made out of plastic that looks like glass and do silly breathing techniques on this tube with nose plugs on. He was so impressed with my pants (like a dog panting not like my jeans.. although I forgot to ask if he was impressed with my blue jeans. That would have been a silly conversation) and told me that I should teach a panting class. So if anyone is interested leave me a comment and I will see what I can do.
That's all folks!
Until I know more!
Emily!
Anyway, I should have known that my tester was a jokester from the call I received yesterday to confirm the appointment. Here is the conversation:
Emily: Hello?
Bob: Hi, this is Bob from Mountain View and I was just calling to confirm your pulmonary function test for tomorrow at 8am.
E: Perfect! Thanks!
B: Okay, see you then!
E: Okay, see you tomorrow! Bye!
B: Bye! .............. Wait! I should tell you that this will not hurt a bit!
E: Haha thanks, Bob! See you tomorrow!
B: Bye.
So he is a jokester. Today during the test he was cracking jokes like it was his job. I wish I could remember all of the jokes he said but I can't. You can blame that on my chemo brain. Which is a real thing! They told me! Kind of like pregnancy brain. Here is one of the jokes he said: "What does a cigarette and a gerbil have in common?" *crickets** crickets*(that's the sound of crickets P.s.)" They are both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire!".. Oh Bob, you are so funny! You are killing me over here doing a breathing treatment with this fancy nebulizer.
So if you have never had a pulmonary function test, never fear! That is one of the easiest tests I have ever passed! And that's saying something because I have terrible test anxiety! Basically I sat in this box made out of plastic that looks like glass and do silly breathing techniques on this tube with nose plugs on. He was so impressed with my pants (like a dog panting not like my jeans.. although I forgot to ask if he was impressed with my blue jeans. That would have been a silly conversation) and told me that I should teach a panting class. So if anyone is interested leave me a comment and I will see what I can do.
That's all folks!
Until I know more!
Emily!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Chemo- and all is well!
Today was another BIG day. Not just big but HUGE!!!!!!
We showed up to the center at 8:00 for my appointment. I was completely ready for my long day. I knew what basically was in store for the day. And I felt as ready as I could possibly be (which, lets be honest, was not super ready! Haha). So the nurse pulled me back and gets my vitals and tells me oh P.s. we are not doing chemo today. BAH!!!!!!! I got so so So grouchy, and then the nurse tried to talk to me for like 10 minutes later. I was a little bit of a jerk. I would not look at her and I just wanted her to leave. Don't worry, I saw the errors in my ways and apologized later in the day.
The PA comes in next to talk about what is going to happen in my Bone Marrow Biopsy. He started talking and went right into the risks of chemotherapy like we were going to do it today. So we asked and he said "to my knowledge that is what we are doing but let me go check with Dr. Dickson.". He comes back and tells me that we are doing it ALL IN ONE DAY! just as I thought, and just as planned. HOORAY! He told me there was never a patient to be excited to do chemo before. Haha. I was just prepared, my parents were going to be with me, and if they would have put it off for a week then my parental units would be in California at the happiest place in the world.
My mom came back with me to do the Bone Marrow Biopsy. They accessed my newly inserted port, drugged me up, and laid me down on the table. I have read blogs where when they inserted the port and did the biopsy of the bone marrow that the patient/blogger cannot remember a thing about the procedure. I was not that lucky. I can remember every sound and every silly thought that came into my head. But I was not in pain (I love modern medicine).
After that was finished we all headed back to the chemo room. I sat down and got comfy in my little cubicle. I got to cuddle in a breast cancer awareness blanket, so that was fun. I ate some pretzels and sun chips. Drank a coke. Ate some butterscotch candies as the chemo drugs where being pushed. It really was a good day. I have handled it like a champ.. like a sometimes crying champ.
When we got home my phone was blowing up with love (have I mentioned how incredibly blessed I am?) and my aunt made a surprise visit bearing gifts! She brought some paper plates and plastic utensils so we don't have to do dishes, some blue Gatorade (H2O) Gatorade, a Disney music player for my little princess, and some superman pjs. It had a sweet card and was signed by all of my dads sweet sisters (who I love dearly!).
I also received a package from my big sister from far away land of sparks. It was so sweet. In it was a water bottle that has a wide mouth that fits ice cubes and ice chips! It came really handy when chemo started. I love it. It also had the cutest cards I have ever seen AND gel pens. I freaking love GEL PENS! I think it may be something with my generation, something that I Don't quite understand but I still love love LOVE THEM!
Today was a good day. I am slightly nauseous and a little sleepy but I have drugs for that.
Heavenly Father has blessed me tremendously. I keep learning of new things that have been blessings. For example both my ENT and Oncologist have a forever waiting list and I just jumped right in. Jude has been a champ at taking a bottle! Those are some ways that I have been blessed. I know that if I keep my faith in Him and in my Savior I will be alright. I will be blessed immensely. The Gospel is great. I am so thankful for the knowledge I have. I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father.
P.s. my parents are fantastic. If you don't know them you are sorely missing out!
Until I know more!
Emily!
We showed up to the center at 8:00 for my appointment. I was completely ready for my long day. I knew what basically was in store for the day. And I felt as ready as I could possibly be (which, lets be honest, was not super ready! Haha). So the nurse pulled me back and gets my vitals and tells me oh P.s. we are not doing chemo today. BAH!!!!!!! I got so so So grouchy, and then the nurse tried to talk to me for like 10 minutes later. I was a little bit of a jerk. I would not look at her and I just wanted her to leave. Don't worry, I saw the errors in my ways and apologized later in the day.
The PA comes in next to talk about what is going to happen in my Bone Marrow Biopsy. He started talking and went right into the risks of chemotherapy like we were going to do it today. So we asked and he said "to my knowledge that is what we are doing but let me go check with Dr. Dickson.". He comes back and tells me that we are doing it ALL IN ONE DAY! just as I thought, and just as planned. HOORAY! He told me there was never a patient to be excited to do chemo before. Haha. I was just prepared, my parents were going to be with me, and if they would have put it off for a week then my parental units would be in California at the happiest place in the world.
My mom came back with me to do the Bone Marrow Biopsy. They accessed my newly inserted port, drugged me up, and laid me down on the table. I have read blogs where when they inserted the port and did the biopsy of the bone marrow that the patient/blogger cannot remember a thing about the procedure. I was not that lucky. I can remember every sound and every silly thought that came into my head. But I was not in pain (I love modern medicine).
After that was finished we all headed back to the chemo room. I sat down and got comfy in my little cubicle. I got to cuddle in a breast cancer awareness blanket, so that was fun. I ate some pretzels and sun chips. Drank a coke. Ate some butterscotch candies as the chemo drugs where being pushed. It really was a good day. I have handled it like a champ.. like a sometimes crying champ.
When we got home my phone was blowing up with love (have I mentioned how incredibly blessed I am?) and my aunt made a surprise visit bearing gifts! She brought some paper plates and plastic utensils so we don't have to do dishes, some blue Gatorade (H2O) Gatorade, a Disney music player for my little princess, and some superman pjs. It had a sweet card and was signed by all of my dads sweet sisters (who I love dearly!).
I also received a package from my big sister from far away land of sparks. It was so sweet. In it was a water bottle that has a wide mouth that fits ice cubes and ice chips! It came really handy when chemo started. I love it. It also had the cutest cards I have ever seen AND gel pens. I freaking love GEL PENS! I think it may be something with my generation, something that I Don't quite understand but I still love love LOVE THEM!
Today was a good day. I am slightly nauseous and a little sleepy but I have drugs for that.
Heavenly Father has blessed me tremendously. I keep learning of new things that have been blessings. For example both my ENT and Oncologist have a forever waiting list and I just jumped right in. Jude has been a champ at taking a bottle! Those are some ways that I have been blessed. I know that if I keep my faith in Him and in my Savior I will be alright. I will be blessed immensely. The Gospel is great. I am so thankful for the knowledge I have. I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father.
P.s. my parents are fantastic. If you don't know them you are sorely missing out!
Until I know more!
Emily!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
And So There Was A Port.
Today I went and got my port "installed". So now I am officially a CYBORG.
I woke up at 8:00am and got my house cleaned. I could not eat so I was doing about anything I could do to take my mind off the port. Because frankly I was a little scarred about the procedure. My parents arrived at 11:00am. They brought me some frozen easy meals that won't take but a minute to heat up and eat. At 11:30 Brandon came home and soon after my mother in law came to babysit my tiny children.
We arrive at the hospital and check in. Waited about for 5 minutes in the waiting room when my nurse Kristine comes out to get me. Brandon and I follow her back to the pre op/post op room. She hooks me up to an IV (the most hurty IV I have EVER had in all of my 25 years!) and goes over the procedure once more with me. After she was done we waited around for the Dr. who is doing the surgery. Took about an hour. My mom and Brandon switched places and after my mom arrived the Dr. arrived. He had me sign some consent forms and then they wheeled me into the procedure room..
Things went well. The medicine did its job. And now I have a port. And it is not comfy. I am in a little bit of pain. But all is great! I know that this is the best option to administer the chemo tomorrow and throughout my treatments.
Now TOMORROW CHEMOTHERAPY
Until I know more!
Emily!!
I woke up at 8:00am and got my house cleaned. I could not eat so I was doing about anything I could do to take my mind off the port. Because frankly I was a little scarred about the procedure. My parents arrived at 11:00am. They brought me some frozen easy meals that won't take but a minute to heat up and eat. At 11:30 Brandon came home and soon after my mother in law came to babysit my tiny children.
We arrive at the hospital and check in. Waited about for 5 minutes in the waiting room when my nurse Kristine comes out to get me. Brandon and I follow her back to the pre op/post op room. She hooks me up to an IV (the most hurty IV I have EVER had in all of my 25 years!) and goes over the procedure once more with me. After she was done we waited around for the Dr. who is doing the surgery. Took about an hour. My mom and Brandon switched places and after my mom arrived the Dr. arrived. He had me sign some consent forms and then they wheeled me into the procedure room..
Things went well. The medicine did its job. And now I have a port. And it is not comfy. I am in a little bit of pain. But all is great! I know that this is the best option to administer the chemo tomorrow and throughout my treatments.
Now TOMORROW CHEMOTHERAPY
Until I know more!
Emily!!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Tomorrow a Port.
Today is essentially the last day of normalcy before my life flips upside down. I have had many phone calls today from the cancer institution telling me a whole lot of stuff. So my FIRST call from them was say that my insurance came through and I can start chemotherapy on Thursday.
The SECOND call I had today was to tell me what stage I am in. Dr. Dickson said "I have just been giddy since I saw the PET scan results! Its 2b!". HOORAY! This is great news. But now we also have to do a BONE MARROW NEEDLE DRAW to see if the cancer is in the bone marrow. If it is not then we will move on like planned. If it is we will have to change my course of treatment plan.
The THIRD phone call I received was asking me if I have yet had a port put in or a picc line placed. Which I have not. I have been WAITING to find out what to do.. Then she said she would work on getting me in to get a port placed and she would call me back.
Number FOUR phone call came in and she told me that she set me up at noon tomorrow to get my port placed. BAH! I am so nervous. But it will be pretty cool to be a little bit like a CYBORG!!
The FIFTH call came from a man who worked at the hospital and explained the whole procedure to me and told me that I could not eat anything solid after 6 am and no drinks after 11 am. That's going to be rough because I LOVE to eat. Its one of my most favorite pastimes.
Anyways. I feel as if I have been hit by a BUS of EMOTION and CANCER is the DRIVER.
The good thing about this all is that I am finally on the road to getting better. We will start with the port tomorrow and the chemo Thursday. The ball will be rolling. This girl will get better.
I have the most support that anyone could ever ask/hope for! I am one lucky girl!
Until I know more!
Emily!
The SECOND call I had today was to tell me what stage I am in. Dr. Dickson said "I have just been giddy since I saw the PET scan results! Its 2b!". HOORAY! This is great news. But now we also have to do a BONE MARROW NEEDLE DRAW to see if the cancer is in the bone marrow. If it is not then we will move on like planned. If it is we will have to change my course of treatment plan.
The THIRD phone call I received was asking me if I have yet had a port put in or a picc line placed. Which I have not. I have been WAITING to find out what to do.. Then she said she would work on getting me in to get a port placed and she would call me back.
Number FOUR phone call came in and she told me that she set me up at noon tomorrow to get my port placed. BAH! I am so nervous. But it will be pretty cool to be a little bit like a CYBORG!!
The FIFTH call came from a man who worked at the hospital and explained the whole procedure to me and told me that I could not eat anything solid after 6 am and no drinks after 11 am. That's going to be rough because I LOVE to eat. Its one of my most favorite pastimes.
Anyways. I feel as if I have been hit by a BUS of EMOTION and CANCER is the DRIVER.
The good thing about this all is that I am finally on the road to getting better. We will start with the port tomorrow and the chemo Thursday. The ball will be rolling. This girl will get better.
I have the most support that anyone could ever ask/hope for! I am one lucky girl!
Until I know more!
Emily!
Dun, Dun, Dun...
So I got the call. My insurance came through. I have to be at the cancer institute at 8:45 am on Thursday the 27th for the "Chemo teach". That will last about an hour. Then I will spend "all day" there at the institute for the actual treatment. Hopefully they give me more answers about the stage then as well. They had to push it back because it took so long for it to be approved that Wednesday became booked full. So Thursday it is. And Thursday it will be!
That's all for now, folks!
Until I know more,
Emily!
That's all for now, folks!
Until I know more,
Emily!
Monday, February 24, 2014
Stages and Symptoms.
STAGES
There are in a sense 8 stages. There are stages One through Four. And in those four stages each has an A or a B along with it. A means with out symptoms. B means with symptoms. So for example stage 1A means the lymphoma is only in one concentrated area and there are no outwardly apparent symptoms. Stage 1B means the lymphoma is only in one concentrated area and there are outwardly apparent symptoms.
So Dr. Dickson believes I am either in Stage 2B (because I have them in my neck and chest) or 3B (that's why we did the PET scan to determine if I have any under my diaphragm) because I have been having very strong symptoms.
SO LETS TALK SYMPTOMS
First let me tell you about night sweats (or in my case I get them in the day as well). Most nights, multiple times a night, I wake up in a sweat. I am not talking about a light glisten as I like to call it. I'm talking full blown, look like I just hopped out of a swimming pool fully clothed kind of sweat.
Another one is Itching. Constant Itching. Want to rip my skin off because it itches so bad. Scratching so much I accidentally make myself bleed. Itching. YUCK. It stinks. I also get random rashes in random places that last 5-7 days and then disappear.
The next ones are Fatigue and Weakness. For heaven sake. Why would I realize that I was super tired and it wasn't normal? Oh yeah, I WOULDN'T. Give me a break, I have an almost 7 month old and an almost 3 year old. Of course I am tired. Fatigued is one that I noticed but though nothing of. By about 3 in the afternoon my body tells me it is done. It tells me this by body aches, can't lift things, feel like I might die if I don't self medicate soon (ibuprofen or Tylenol). Great right?
So I am definitely in Group B. Still waiting for the answer to see what stage I am in. 2 or 3. Hopefully find out more soon.
P.S. my insurance has not approved Chemo yet so I don't know for sure when or where that will happen. But you know, its just cancer, no big deal.
Until I know more!
Emily!
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